I watched as he collapsed into a puddle of whining, crying defeat. He lay on the floor moaning for several moments before beginning to drag his body slowly across the room, moans continuing to escape his mouth with every effort he made. The situation had completely bested him, and while it seemed he was using every ounce of his will to crawl across the ground, I knew the actual fight was internal.
I could feel his pain. I understood the frustration. I’ve been there so many times myself. He had to face the exact same monster repeatedly, and it had finally bested him…temporarily. I’ve had to face my same monsters repeatedly, too. The monster of self-pity. The monster of being judgmental toward others who don’t do things the way I think they should be done. The monster of self-importance – thinking my agenda is more important than anyone else’s. I’ve found myself crawling along the floor, moaning as I fought desperately against myself.
But eventually, as I moan and scrabble through my situation, I understand that I am going to make it through. I begin grabbing onto truths instead of lies – truths about who I am in Christ, and what He wants for me. I begin understanding that this didn’t need to defeat me – that I can CHOOSE victory in the situation. And I stand up in the promises that have been given.
Chase eventually stood up, too. He came to realize that my request for him to empty the dishwasher didn’t have to defeat him. He could choose to moan and take the hardest route from the living room to the kitchen, or he could choose to stand and tackle the situation head-on – a situation that turned out not to be nearly as tough as he expected….
I choose to stand.